“Life Hacks,” a buzzword, or more to the point “buzzphrase,” that has gathered more steam and attention than a Presidential meet and greet in Las Vegas with hookers. A provocative landfall of possibilities that has seized the collective mind, the media, and just about every two-bit roustabout dullard’s attention by the throat. Simple, every day activities that will have you ratcheting up your daily production intake. The world is littered with these bits of wisdom and small truths that continuously make life not only simpler but better. Existence in this plane is not a box of chocolates. It is a Dante-esque, often surreal experiment in the mating habits of the praying mantis and the business acumen of “Mortal Kombat” enthusiast. It is the proverbial dog […]

Arlington National Cemetery is a city onto itself. Arlington National Cemetery is a ghost town of perpetual honor and fighting spirit. It is the hallowed ground, dedicated and consecrated for America’s unsung heroes. Washington D.C. is a vast catacomb and landmark of effigies and monuments meant to evoke the grand nature of those depicted. Lincoln holds fast to his Grecian throne, Augustus Ceasar reborn, the savior of the Republic. Washinton’s Monument cast its gigantic shadow over all the land. Martin Luther King Jr., materials from a humungous boulder, the second coming. All throughout Washington, larger than life depictions of America’s valiant patriots line the street. A marching order of patriotism, of national pride, of history. Arlington National Cemetery is the […]

Lincoln Memorial, What’s the what.. Get The Skinny. In Washington D.C., there are only two Presidents that swim up to the top of the growing mountain of politicos. Icons of the American Dream. The capital’s namesake, George, and the man who kept the union together, Abraham Lincoln. Everyone pulls their weight in that arena called the White House, but only these two desperados are regarded by all and their peers as d’ bombs. One John Lennon, the other Paul McCartney. The Hall and Oates of “Hail to the Chief.” But, this wasn’t always the case. George, no matter what strange or odd thing history manages to dig out, was always considered the savior; the second coming. Lincoln, on the other […]

[…] As you can imagine Washington wasn’t exactly named after the founding father during that epoch of time where the brits’ had a nice choke hold on our nether regions. Before the local government decided to stockpile the region with all sorts of statues and monuments, this place was nothing more than a balmy swamp and a delta for the Potomac river. Then, like history is so fond of proving, we got our s@#t together and decided to teach those tea-toading scallywags a thing or two about independence. Out with the redcoats, in with the founding fathers. A scrappy bunch of knaves, machos and rustling hombres. A cavalcade of testosterone and battle hardened wits. The United States first politicos came […]

I’ve said a million times and I’ll preach it over and over again, when we’re young our taste-buds have the sophistication of narcotized amoebas wallowing in a sea of barbiturates. I’ve long gone all fire and brimstone at our childish enthusiasm for things that would later haunt us in life. The critical musical gusto of garden gnomes. The piquancy of pygmy poultry for po-po provisions. The fashion flash of, well, let’s do away with the poetry and simply lay it out on the line… The fashion sense of a blind radioactive pet rock. That same lack of judgment, that will undoubtedly end up giving us frack as we get older, some way or another reaches out in tentacle fashion into […]

Burning Man is the mutant offspring of an America decade devoted to the ever mighty buck. Burning Man: It’s the hippie approved antibody of a community increasingly caught in the riptide of its yuppie counterpart. A way for the flower children to fight off the horde of Wallstreet vampires stock and bottom line, bottomfeeders slowly walling up the founding fathers’ dream in bricks of coke and limestone mortar of barbiturates. Of a capitalistic minded present, whose fangs bubble and slimed with the warm liquid sauce of Lady Liberty’s jugular plasma. A full frontal assault on the fat cats, by way of Ganja, free-love ideals, dyed shirts, a canine and a pyromaniac’s erotic fantasy. It was a revolt led by the […]

Captain’s Log. Star-date… Ehhh, something, something, numerical gibberish. I’ve just been invited to chat by the societal counterculture chiefs against the status-quo. I’m to be the special guest of a rebel alliance, a subversive element in state of upheaval fighting those dry gray-beards of the archaic scientific fabric. They’re called “El Gato y La Caja,” but for the sake of this interview, and on account of my spiffy two dollar decoder ring, we’ll refer to them as “The Cat In The Box.” I’m not the sort of true-blue Americano that doesn’t put subtitles in his films. The founders of “The Cat In the Box” are a group of enthusiastic, high-flying, entrepreneur, IQ defiant geniuses, that go against the norm and constantly become a fly […]

Key West and How to stay Hydrated. Key West: There’s an anthropological hypothesis, in my case I believe it’s an irreversible edict; sooner or later the American working stiff will finally pop a gasket and go all French Revolution on the 1%. I would like to add a couple of new bullet points on that theory. I declare that once the revolt begins, and it’s all Wickerman, John Fawkes masks and beer hats, the blue collar yokel will be stuck out in the rain without the proper know-how and foresight on which way to point a bazooka. Thankfully, as we ponder the ever worrisome nature of which end of the dynamite stick goes “boom,” we’ll have a looking glass on […]

Fantasy Fest: More Bare Butts Than In A Porn Convention. Fantasy Fest: There are moments in human history that somehow, someway and most certainly somewhere deviated from the norm. Cases so profoundly bizarre and downright insane of societal congress that you just know, deep inside your gut, that God or maybe Old Scratch had some guiding hand in its inception. In the late 1970’s, two business owners, in that grand ersatz state known as “The Conch Republic”, were dillydallying about bewailing their lot. Tony Falcone and Bill Conkle stood in the center of Duval Street, the breeze from the ocean running up their backside, the air baking their lungs and the majesty that is Key West freezeframing behind their eyes. […]

Skating by all the hum digger of a controversial hornet’s nest that the Oscar have somehow found themselves mired in this year, one and one thing we can all agree on is either give Leo DiCaprio a golden paperweight or next time I’m finally going to drop this celebrity ego stroke of an event. I mean it, I’m not toting no lies here. Yes, many of you say that fella’ from Danish Girl deserves it too. And, lord o lord, how can I blacklist poor old Walter White from getting his first effigy? “Rubbish,” you scientific minded nerds scowl at me and raise your withering digit. “Praise be to Damon and his potato encrusted adventure!” To all those, I only preach the […]