Venezuela, you crazy, crazy broad…. That’s when the fecal festooned fan goes nuclear,” once more proving that if you want to get the real skinny, the unvarnished score, just haunt the local watering hole. Barmen might as well be spooks tapped into the clandestine pipelines. “Feces flying fast onto federal faces. “What-you-talking-about-Willis?” “Buddy,” goes the gent’ with the smart frock and even smarter rug. He’s a real looker of a barkeep. The sort that makes you yearn for the old days of prohibition and the dames with the cigarette crates. Now, his oaken pirate leg and the pink painted iguana on his shoulder were matters best laid aside and explored in some other tale. “Buddy, what I’m talking about is beer. […]

Trip To Venezuela. Political Hijinks By Way Of Dr. Seuss. “A thousand Bolivars on it being pinned on the yanks,” a riveting phrase if ever there was one. The setting, a cross between a gothic Byronesque romance and a cheap Ron Jeremy porn production. The aromatic reek of lavender, desperation. and alcohol, so profoundly warm, that even cat piss seemed glacial refreshing by comparison. In other words, yet another of the many dilapidated locations pockmarked across the Venezuelan capital, Caracas. A mundane fixture on a sprawling panorama of calamitous gloom. “At least, the water’s working.” The faucet making a squeak akin to modems from the 90’s. “So, you game?” “Not taking that action. That’s like saying the sun comes up […]

Rio De Janeiro Carnival: “La Felicidad es Brasileira…” Happiness is a Brazilian concept. Rio De Janeiro Carnival: This is a rather used up epithet when describing those Amazonian natives. No matter who you are, where you come from, from what distant culture you hail from, the minute you step into Brazilian airspace, you’re automatically captured by the truth behind this universal expression. There is something in the air, something in the people’s blood, and there is definitely something in the water supply. A nation, a society, composed of bon-vivants who simply exist to bring joy to their lives and nothing more; a less then vexing dilemma that quickly becomes contagious to all. The rest of humanity simply siphons from them. […]

LIVE AGAIN: RIDE AMERICA ON A CHOPPER As your age begins to seep into your weary bones, you suddenly experience something previously unheard of in your frame of reference. A multitude of emotions and sensibilities start to appear out of nowhere rocking you to your very foundation and making you their bitch. Nostalgia, melancholia, and that nasty bastard Springsteen (who is always yapping about “The Glory Days) go into a fit of gang violence. Your youth and kneecaps become the sole target of their road rage. Whack, crash, snap and the suddenly the simplest childhood remembrance will have you weeping openly and blubbering like a fool. Little truths, tiny confessions from not only yourself but from others zap you into a […]

CEO Aubrey McClendon crashes car into overpass day after indictment. PHOTO: KWTV SKYNEWS 9 HD/REUTERS The Guy Society will dig out your corpse and present it as a Christmas present to a very frustrated cabal of Necrophiliacs. Add a bit of conspiracy laced candy to the mix and you might as well be dealing out Viagra. “Never speak ill of the dead.” Here in the Guy Society we’re not exactly kosher with old farts telling us how to do our thing. Here, in this hallowed, holy ground of devastating investigative reporting… Here in this bedecked palace of scantily clad honeys, “Game Of Thrones” updates and high-minded discourse on the nature of winning a buck, we’ll trash, muck, drag through the mud, […]