Key West: What’s What in This Responsibility Free-Zone. “I can hear the children.” That was Henry Flagler, the man credited with snapping Florida open like an oyster. He uttered those very words as his train docked on the southernmost tip of the United States. The man had ridden an engineering feat into what many considered was the wild west of the Sunshine State. Sprawling untamed land, fins attached to Jurassic predators on all sides, the natives less European more into scalping, the Keys were for lack of a better analogy the backyard of Immortal Joe’s fortress from Mad Max. Only stragglers, condemned man, fugitives, and adventure seekers blazed their way past the mainland. Still, there was no denying the majesty […]

The White House A Comprehensive Guide. “People say satire is dead. It’s not dead; it’s alive and living in the White House.” Source: Did you know that in 2004, Tom Hanks swung by the White House and noticed that the Press Corps lacked a coffee maker? He went and bought the caffeine deprived journalists a fantastic Java machine. Then, in 2010, he returned, this time with Steven Spielberg, and observed that the coffee machine was on its last legs. A twinkling of eyes from CNN, a puppy dog sobbing from Fox News, and a plea from Reuters. A brand spanking espresso machine. Did you know that? Naw, you didn’t, did you? That’s because all if any of your edifying intrigue […]

Please note that this is not an endorsement of Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, or of any candidate, but rather an opinion piece on how a nation can be hypnotized by constant media attention, fear of ‘the other guy’, short attention spans, and even shorter memories. The Underdog Twist This year’s favorite past-time is, without a doubt, Donald Trump bashing. You can’t flip on the screen without an editorial taking a crowbar to Donald’s nether regions. The staff at your local newspaper have taken so whole-heartily to the practice, that you can imagine a stuffed effigy of Donald Trump hanging by a noose at the reception desk; every day an intern passes by and stuffs a firecracker up its ass. In this […]

It’s Brexit stage left. Yesterday, the Brits’ decided to give the EU the bird. They went and flung that ideal of unity out the window. Voted to cut their losses and get off the train before the tracks reached the canyon and the wagons went “Ka-Pow”. In a historic election, those Harry Potter lovin’ redcoats grabbed the status quo, plunged it into the blender and hit puree. The United Kingdom, as of today 24th of June, is no longer part of the European Union. The effects of this dazzling new transition are already being felt throughout the world. Why did it happen? In hindsight how could it have been averted? Was it prophesied? Why didn’t my 1-800 fortune teller warm […]

Ah, Pokemon Go. Close your eyes and picture the following scene. You’re at home, following the harried adventures of lovable misfits and Darwin Award recipients on Discovery Channel’s newest reality. A frothy beer in your grip, a score of missing links battling out over the pastry fad of the month. Suddenly, a bug bites your missus’ tush. “Harold, will you clean up the yard?!” You turn around, gleam said tush, and marvel at how gravity has evaded it. Kryptonite to your defenses. Up you go, out the door. Two steps and there’s a squishy sensation. You lose sight of your North. You fall back. Your neck makes contact with a Tonka truck. Your neighbor’s dog feces fells you like a fool. Blink, blink, […]

This Friday, the Republican heavyweight and all around news-fodder, Donald Trump, is likely to pick his second in command. His vice presidential candidate, the man, figure, mineral and quite possibly reptile who will grace his ballot. If ever the shit hits the fan, and the Secret Service gets distracted by an errant butterfly, this is the fellow who will pick up the country and lol it back to a sweet oblivion. The second stringer soothing stimulating sitter. The man, whose very function is to toss a cool towel over Donald’s more eccentric attitudes and lure the electorates into the daft, demented, derailed, deranged and diverting enterprise that is American Politics. Here at the Guy Society, we’ve decided, to sum up […]

Tech Companies mopping up the landscape. “The End is nigh’,” and all that rubbish. It’s time to face the fact, we are in an epoch where the tectonic fluctuations under our feet, those that change reality as the set way of the world, are mostly governed by a loose cabal of trendsetters who have more in common with hipsters, than with the titans of industry of olden times. It is a generation controlling earthquakes and jumbling the landscape to their whims… the corporate landscape. The old guard’s only recourse: bribe a judge or two. It is a judicial battlefield parried by legislative war dogs; trained mercenaries who have sharpened their talons on lesser prey. They are loophole hunting horsemen, of the […]

What do James Wood, Geena Davis and Nolan Gould (the Dunphy Kid from Modern Family) have in common? They are all members of an almost secret society of eggheads known as MENSA. They stand on shaky ground, almost quicksand like soil, concerning their careers. Each can solve a Rubik’s Cube in a blink of an eye, yet somehow, Howard Stern – with his 99 IQ – is remembered with greater respect and esteem. These three, like hundred more, are prime examples of the fact that a high IQ doesn’t necessarily equal success. They are test subjects, that prove that a few more neurons don’t make a lick of difference out in the real world. The given fact that jackanapes and jesters, […]

Donald Trump Is All The Nuts Bernie Tapioca Needs. Hey, America, it’s that time again. That special, oh how we’ve missed you  – come here and let’s have a turn in the sack-  period. Bells are ringing, the eggnog is flowing and grandpa is passed out on our little brother’s 22-year-old girlfriend/dominatrix farting up a storm. That wonderful season where it should be a governmental priority, and a necessity, for the National Guard to nail up “Just Chill It” posters on every corner and hand out Xanax like Pez. That incredible period in the national coffers where every yokel thanks the Lord for corn subsidies and champagne is uncorked, not out of celebration, but simply because mother swilled down all the […]

Venezuela, you crazy, crazy broad…. That’s when the fecal festooned fan goes nuclear,” once more proving that if you want to get the real skinny, the unvarnished score, just haunt the local watering hole. Barmen might as well be spooks tapped into the clandestine pipelines. “Feces flying fast onto federal faces. “What-you-talking-about-Willis?” “Buddy,” goes the gent’ with the smart frock and even smarter rug. He’s a real looker of a barkeep. The sort that makes you yearn for the old days of prohibition and the dames with the cigarette crates. Now, his oaken pirate leg and the pink painted iguana on his shoulder were matters best laid aside and explored in some other tale. “Buddy, what I’m talking about is beer. […]