The White House A Comprehensive Guide.

“People say satire is dead. It’s not dead; it’s alive and living in the White House.”


Did you know that in 2004, Tom Hanks swung by the White House and noticed that the Press Corps lacked a coffee maker? He went and bought the caffeine deprived journalists a fantastic Java machine. Then, in 2010, he returned, this time with Steven Spielberg, and observed that the coffee machine was on its last legs. A twinkling of eyes from CNN, a puppy dog sobbing from Fox News, and a plea from Reuters. A brand spanking espresso machine. Did you know that? Naw, you didn’t, did you? That’s because all if any of your edifying intrigue is a byproduct of Hollywood.

The White House is, if nothing else, the cornerstone of an intriguing plan worthy of any conspiracy-laden episode of “House Of Cards.”

A laden political hodgepodge of under the table dealing, cloak and dagger schemings, backstabbing espionage, and an army of surrogates and cat’s paws. In other words, up by the hill, just another Tuesday. Lady Liberty and Uncle Sam, the proto-brainchildren of hiding the evidence and walling in the body. The White House, in particularly the designation of her now perpetual address at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, was a slow cooked masterplan. A chess-like battle of minds between two of President Washington’s main cabinet members; his Secretary of State, Thomas Jefferson, and his Secretary of Treasury, Alexander Hamilton. A long drawn out mess where each obtained both a position of stalemate as well as one of supremacy.

American policy slowly dawned with the realization that the principal word behind every lobbied initiative, the one the press and political pundits will first dust off, is…controversial.

The Constitution had just been ratified by 11 of the 13 Colonies, Rhode Island and North Carolina—both continuous rebels—having abstained from endorsing the amendments. Washington was elected the first President of a newly birthed nation; the old war horse won by a landslide, his credentials and character irreproachable. The alterations to Constitution formed the Bill Of Rights. It was a time of hope, of dreams, and, overall, of chaos, disorder, and crippling mortgages. Washington instantly flew into a fit of action. He saw a focused and swift leader as nothing short of a measure of confidence to a shaky Republic. He built his cabinet out of a conclave of brains that knew no bounds. His main advisors, Hamilton and Jefferson: no two figures were so disharmonious to one another. Both brilliant tacticians and owners of richly furnished minds. Jefferson a stout Southern, creator of a Republican Party and recently arrived from Paris where he spent the majority of the Revolutionary War brokering deals on behalf of the Continentals. Hamilton, a rakish tenacious man, fast of wit and owner of a devilish pen. One was a diplomat, serene and skillful. The other a swashbuckler who suffered no fools and spoke freely. Once they truly obtained the measure of the other, an embattled relationship was forged. Two equally sharp tom cats, each owning respect and wafer thin tempers, thrusts into different corners of an arena brimming with landmines. Their passions sometimes getting the best of their natures. A national period of turbulent change, boisterous and priggish. Two deadly cats, one calamitous thunderstorm away from going at each others’ throat.

It soon became apparent, for both founding fathers, that what was brewing was the proverbial opportunity to cement their place in history. An active couple of days that would determine much of the traditional character of the fledgling nation. Hamiltonians and Jeffersonians dovetailed into an acrimonious sea of party squabble. One issue, overall, dominating the landscape.

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