Smithsonian Museums in Washington, D.C. “If it has the Smithsonian logo, you just know that it’s good.” Smithsonian Museums live by a standard of quality few other organizations or institutions prostrate under. A checklist of control and high perfection and genuine love for the best — that sets a high-water mark that constantly shames its peers. If museums were theme parks and rollercoasters free-for-all, then Smithsonians are nothing short of Disneyland while the rest fight tooth and nail for the blue ribbon at a carnival. That’s an honest to God truth that you can bank on. The sort of fact that will have spinners of quotes debating whether or not to add a new addendum on a very old adage. […]

Ford’s Theater And Petersen House. Ford’s Theater: Mid-rendition of an ABBA offshoot orchestrated by the hell’s own symphony. “Super Trooper,” jackhammering inside my brainpan. Pain, woe, desolation and a need to end it all. I turn, eyes watering from the torture. “Isn’t it magical,” my date, once more proving without a shadow of a doubt that once the post-coital glow fades, all that is truly left is either loathing or love. In this case. “Dear God, it’s simply wonderful…” Loathing was winning over. I am once more struck why, in spite of so many of my friends clamoring for Broadway, I’ll always feel more at home in a movie theater. Nursing a big bowl of popcorn and watching how Captain […]

Key West: What’s What in This Responsibility Free-Zone. “I can hear the children.” That was Henry Flagler, the man credited with snapping Florida open like an oyster. He uttered those very words as his train docked on the southernmost tip of the United States. The man had ridden an engineering feat into what many considered was the wild west of the Sunshine State. Sprawling untamed land, fins attached to Jurassic predators on all sides, the natives less European more into scalping, the Keys were for lack of a better analogy the backyard of Immortal Joe’s fortress from Mad Max. Only stragglers, condemned man, fugitives, and adventure seekers blazed their way past the mainland. Still, there was no denying the majesty […]

The White House A Comprehensive Guide. “People say satire is dead. It’s not dead; it’s alive and living in the White House.” Source: Did you know that in 2004, Tom Hanks swung by the White House and noticed that the Press Corps lacked a coffee maker? He went and bought the caffeine deprived journalists a fantastic Java machine. Then, in 2010, he returned, this time with Steven Spielberg, and observed that the coffee machine was on its last legs. A twinkling of eyes from CNN, a puppy dog sobbing from Fox News, and a plea from Reuters. A brand spanking espresso machine. Did you know that? Naw, you didn’t, did you? That’s because all if any of your edifying intrigue […]

Rio De Janeiro Carnival: “La Felicidad es Brasileira…” Happiness is a Brazilian concept. Rio De Janeiro Carnival: This is a rather used up epithet when describing those Amazonian natives. No matter who you are, where you come from, from what distant culture you hail from, the minute you step into Brazilian airspace, you’re automatically captured by the truth behind this universal expression. There is something in the air, something in the people’s blood, and there is definitely something in the water supply. A nation, a society, composed of bon-vivants who simply exist to bring joy to their lives and nothing more; a less then vexing dilemma that quickly becomes contagious to all. The rest of humanity simply siphons from them. […]

Arlington National Cemetery is a city onto itself. Arlington National Cemetery is a ghost town of perpetual honor and fighting spirit. It is the hallowed ground, dedicated and consecrated for America’s unsung heroes. Washington D.C. is a vast catacomb and landmark of effigies and monuments meant to evoke the grand nature of those depicted. Lincoln holds fast to his Grecian throne, Augustus Ceasar reborn, the savior of the Republic. Washinton’s Monument cast its gigantic shadow over all the land. Martin Luther King Jr., materials from a humungous boulder, the second coming. All throughout Washington, larger than life depictions of America’s valiant patriots line the street. A marching order of patriotism, of national pride, of history. Arlington National Cemetery is the […]

Lincoln Memorial, What’s the what.. Get The Skinny. In Washington D.C., there are only two Presidents that swim up to the top of the growing mountain of politicos. Icons of the American Dream. The capital’s namesake, George, and the man who kept the union together, Abraham Lincoln. Everyone pulls their weight in that arena called the White House, but only these two desperados are regarded by all and their peers as d’ bombs. One John Lennon, the other Paul McCartney. The Hall and Oates of “Hail to the Chief.” But, this wasn’t always the case. George, no matter what strange or odd thing history manages to dig out, was always considered the savior; the second coming. Lincoln, on the other […]

[…] As you can imagine Washington wasn’t exactly named after the founding father during that epoch of time where the brits’ had a nice choke hold on our nether regions. Before the local government decided to stockpile the region with all sorts of statues and monuments, this place was nothing more than a balmy swamp and a delta for the Potomac river. Then, like history is so fond of proving, we got our s@#t together and decided to teach those tea-toading scallywags a thing or two about independence. Out with the redcoats, in with the founding fathers. A scrappy bunch of knaves, machos and rustling hombres. A cavalcade of testosterone and battle hardened wits. The United States first politicos came […]

Burning Man is the mutant offspring of an America decade devoted to the ever mighty buck. Burning Man: It’s the hippie approved antibody of a community increasingly caught in the riptide of its yuppie counterpart. A way for the flower children to fight off the horde of Wallstreet vampires stock and bottom line, bottomfeeders slowly walling up the founding fathers’ dream in bricks of coke and limestone mortar of barbiturates. Of a capitalistic minded present, whose fangs bubble and slimed with the warm liquid sauce of Lady Liberty’s jugular plasma. A full frontal assault on the fat cats, by way of Ganja, free-love ideals, dyed shirts, a canine and a pyromaniac’s erotic fantasy. It was a revolt led by the […]

Key West and How to stay Hydrated. Key West: There’s an anthropological hypothesis, in my case I believe it’s an irreversible edict; sooner or later the American working stiff will finally pop a gasket and go all French Revolution on the 1%. I would like to add a couple of new bullet points on that theory. I declare that once the revolt begins, and it’s all Wickerman, John Fawkes masks and beer hats, the blue collar yokel will be stuck out in the rain without the proper know-how and foresight on which way to point a bazooka. Thankfully, as we ponder the ever worrisome nature of which end of the dynamite stick goes “boom,” we’ll have a looking glass on […]